#13 Bringing Sexy Back

Yay, it’s been 6 weeks and your doctor said it’s ok to have sex!  But… that is the farthest thing from your mind!  When you are ready, here are a few things to get you started.

First, know that postpartum sex will feel really different, but it gets better!  Estrogen levels are lower postpartum and even more so if you are breastfeeding, which leads to vaginal dryness.  Your usual arousal techniques may not prepare you for vaginal penetration, so that’s where some friendly lubrication is helpful.  Experiment with different types to find the one that works best for you.  

• Water-based lubes:  compatible with condoms and sex toys, might need 1-2 teaspoons worth to be effective.  Try Good Clean Love or Slippery Stuff.

• Oil-based lubes: not compatible with condoms or latex sex toys, don’t need much to be effective but can be messy.  Try coconut oil.

• Silicone-based lubes: compatible with latex condoms (not polyurethane), only need a few drops-teaspoon.  Try Uberlube or Pjur Woman Bodyglide.

Practice deep breathing to release your pelvic floor before intercourse.  Your pelvic floor has been working hard during pregnancy and may have had to heal from perineal tears.  This can make it difficult for the tissues to relax.  Take a deep breath and feel your belly rise, pelvic floor lower, and relax your jaw.

The flip side of postpartum sex can be that your vagina feels loose and weak.  Those muscles were overstretched if you had a vaginal delivery, but they will gradually come back.  If you haven’t already, start exercising your pelvic floor muscles (do those Kegals).  Your goal is to be able to hold your pelvic floor muscles tense for 10 seconds for 30 repetitions per day.  This may be hard to do!  If you experience pain, urinary incontinence, or don’t know if you are doing it right, you should stop doing this exercise and seek the help of a pelvic floor therapist.

Experiment with different positions.  Try them all, but remember that if you are on the bottom (missionary), you may not be able to control the depth of penetration as easily.  The Ohnut can help with that (www.Ohnut.co).  And penile penetrative sex is not the only game in town! :) Connect with your partner in any way you enjoy!

For more information, check out: Reviving Your Sex Life After Childbirth by Kathe Wallace, PT, BCB-PMD.